daaua.blogg.se

It doesn't create in me the intense dysphoria it does for some other trans people, but still, given the option, I'd rather not have it. The overriding emotion when I think of my penis is annoyance. The maleness is gone, but the manhood remains. They have sloughed off my body to decompose and grow anew. Like the maleness that still bound me nine years ago, those feelings have been shed. My fears over whether or not to create a bulge for my avatar, what it says about my own deviance, my own cowardice, my own shame, my own longing, means nothing. Saints Row 5, confusingly going by the moniker 'Saints Row', greets a new me like an old friend. When the remaster came out, I opted for a male voice, but stuck to my original form, making it something of a game to try to recreate her perfectly from memory. Though I obviously didn't have Cyberpunk as a reference point back then, did my unease come from the same feelings the Mix It Up poster gave me was I instigating, encouraging, revelling in fetishisation? I wanted to be a woman, that much I knew even without the lexicon to express it, but why the bulge? Was it an albatross slightly south of my neck, there to remind me that I was a man and always would be? Or was it to act as a conduit between myself and my avatar, a thing we could share? I didn't have her eyes, her voice, her lips, her hips, her feet, her chest, but that. I was still balancing a lot of thoughts, deciphering my own synapses. I always played as female characters anyway, but giving them a crotch bulge in Saints Row 3 and 4 seemed salacious. It's been nine years, and a lot can change in that time. This is the first full Saints Row game since I came out as transgender. Related: Guilty Gear Strive's Bridget Becoming The Biggest Trans Woman In Gaming Should Make A Lot Of People Embarrassed While the game itself proved to be a bit of a letdown, the character creator proved to be even better once I got to take the boss out for a spin. Before launch, I played the demo character creator, and wrote that I felt it was one of gaming's best. Games like Tell Me Why and The Last of Us Part 2 have given us beloved transgender characters, but in terms of creating our own with any sense of physicality, Saints Row is where its at.